Jamie And Maggie Watch The Amazing Race

Episode 10: We Try To Be Psychic

2006-05-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

Well, Jamie does, anyway. Still no word from Maggie. She might be touring with Madonna.

I think tonight will be non-elim, with Ray and Yolanda coming in last.

Next week, they'll get knocked out, leaving the Frats, the Hippes, and Mojo for the final week. That does put us at the final week, right?

Despite one final non-elimination tossed in there, the teams will arrive at the final Pit Stop in that order.

The rest of the season has been overwhelmingly predictable. Why should the last few episodes be any different?

Have fun watching tonight. See you tomorrow.

Episode 9: Perth, Australia

2006-05-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

(Maggie is busy covering the kickass Coachella concert in Palm Springs, so I'm covering the initial reactions from this week - she might add her love later.)

As the racers are starting to feel the finish and smell that million, some long-simmering rivalries are popping to the surface.

Team Bong and Monica & Joseph trash-talked each other all over downunder, and they weren't the only one.

Unofficial Smack Talk Tally:

1. Lots of nastiness from Monica & Joseph over other teams' decisions to leave the penniless Team Bong some cash.

2. Stemming from the same topic, Yolanda got in a dig on Trollbaby and her Trollboyfriend saying, instead of cash, Monica and Joseph,"Probably left a psych letter, knowing Mojo. They act like they nice, but they NOT."

3. When Team Bong got to their SUV and discovered who was generous and who was not, they also had some choice words to say about "Mojo."

4. It's not exactly smack talk, but all the teams were hoping and certain Team Bong would not make it aboard the only flight of the night that would get them to Perth. When the Hippies squeaked aboard at the last possible minute, I'm sure the other teams thought some choice words, while the Hippies enjoyed a little well-deserved gloat.

5. Monica actually regressed and restorted to a "Stinky Boys" taunt asTeam Phi Beta Shut Uppa passed them on the road in Greece. She then alleged that the Frat Boys were "kidnergarten babies who stick their head in gravy."
Big talk from someone who is afraid of LOBSTER.

6. More griping from Monica & Joseph over Team Bong, and vice versa.

7. Preview smack talk! In the Scenes From Next Week's Episode... OfThe Amazing Race, Blond Hippie declared it "Yield Season - and Monica and Joseph are prey."

Sometime between all the Yo Mommas, Teams managed to fly to Perth, Australia, choose between two beach detours, navigate a difficult Roadblock at theFremantle Prison, then get themselves to the Fremantle Sailing Club,the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.

Which Detour Would You Have Picked?

Jamie: Sand or Sea... Sand seemed like it would have been faster. Turned out to be kind of brutal, and ultimately, it would depend on my partner. I have a lot of snorkel experience, but it's not something everyone is good at.

How Would You Have Fared On The Roadblock?

Jamie: Horribly. All I could think about was how difficult that wouldhave been for me. I have zero sense of direction, and it's even worse in places like that - indoors, where everything looks about the same. Give me bungee-jumping any day.

As far as which teams I like best/least, and who I think will take it all...

It's interesting, because there are four teams left, and they are split evenly for my affections. I pretty much equally like Ray & Yolanda and Team Bong, and I pretty much equally dislike Team Phi Beta Shut Uppa and Joseph & Trollbaby.

But I don't think I'm going to be happy during the finale. I've had a sinking feeling for a long time that the Frat Boys would take it all, and I don't have much faith - or see much of an indication - that they won't.

I pretty much have my predictions set for the rest of the season, down to non-eliminations, but I'll wait until predictions on Wednesday to bust them out.

Episode 8: We Take A Break

2006-05-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

I missed the 1st 15 minutes of the episode, and Maggie went out of town to visit her brother.

Back soon.

Episode 8: We Play Psychic

2006-04-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

Jamie: No more formatted predictions. This season is starting to get too crazy.
Maggie: Plus, you've been too busy working, and I've been busy drinking.

Jamie: We've got Team Bong starting last, Team Phi Beta Shut Uppa starting first. Joseph & Trollbaby, The Oldies, and Ray and Yolanda all shuffled into the middle. Kind of a sausagefest, huh?
Maggie: Sausagefest? When the frat boys are involved? Nah ...

Jamie: Anyway, I have to put the Frats in first, again. They are so, so far ahead. And even when they only have a tiny lead, it doesn't matter - none of the other teams seem capable of taking advantage and moving past Team Tan, Horny, and Sexist. What is up with that?
Maggie: I think the hippies are capable of moving past. But they might have spent far too many episodes admiring the asses in front of them.

Jamie: Last team to arrive? Aren't The Oldies tired YET?And still not sure what's up with the non-elimination rounds. Are there any? Three? Fewer? One tonight? I don't think I have the patience at this point to watch the begging. Although, if it's Team Oldies stripped of money and possessions, I'm sure instead of trying to find some cash, they'll just roll over and give up, moaning, "It's oooover" all the while.
Maggie: I'd like to see a non-elim round where the team has to travel nekkid. Unless it's the old folks, in which case I would probably poke my eyes out with blazing hot forks.

Episode 7: Greece

2006-04-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

For Christ's sake, leave Italy and Greece already.

This leg of the race began in Rome, Italy, with some of the most blatant, disgusting product placement we've ever seen on the show -- a "Da Vinci Code" challenge. Oh, please. At least that stupid gnome is cute. We can't say the same for Tom Hanks and his beaver pelt of hair.

Teams then flew to the ancient Agora in Greece, where a fast forward was waiting. To win it, teams had to break plates at a local restaurant in search of a special plate with a race flag inside. This, honestly, looked like so much fun. And when I build my dream house someday, it will have a specific plate-smashing room to get out my aggression. Aggression that right now is directed at Eric & Jeremy, who won the fast forward and skipped ahead to the pit stop at the Fortress of Rion.

The remaining teams traveled by train to Isthmos station. Three teams get off the train too early and have to take a bus the rest of the way.

At the best roadblock so far in this race, one team member has to bungee jump off a bridge. Fran cried.

The detour was a choice between “Herculean Effort” and “It’s All Greek To Me.” In “Herculian Effort,” teams had to complete three events from ancient Olympic games. In “It’s All Greek To Me,” teams searched an archeological site for nine pieces of pottery with Greek letters that spelled out the next location.

Eric & Jeremy are the first team to arrive at the pit stop, and they win a trip to the world premier of the Da Vinci Code movie. That is the lamest of prizes.

Lake & Michelle finish last and are eliminated from the race -- just when we were starting to warm up to their shouting.

Which detour would you have picked?

Maggie: I would have picked Herculean Effort," only because "It's AllGreek to Me" sounded far more difficult than it really was.They just had to pick up nine random pieces of pottery! Gah. The person who came up with that deserves a javelin shoved in the eye.
(Aside: I bet the frat boys were PISSED that they missed the homoerotic wrestling at the ancient stadium.)

Jamie: I had a sneaky suspeicion that "It's All Greek" was easier thanit looked because of the clue to "translate" Greek letters. I've nevertaken Greek, belonged to a fraternity or sorority, and I hated My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but I still know most of the Greek alphabet - not much of a translation challenge, there. I probably would have deferred to my racing partner for this one."

How would you have fared on the roadblock?

Maggie: I might have come into this world from a broken rubber, but I don't really want to go out on one.
That said, that looked like the most awesome bungree jump ever. The water was so beautiful, and the bridge was a perfect launch point. I would have done it in a second. Maybe even less than a second.
Also, I do not know how Barry didn't push Fran off the bridge during her crying jag. Just shut up and get it over with. Then she went and did it, but she had the worst body position possible. Fran might actually be less aerodynamic than a concrete block.

Jamie: Not much to say except "Ditto." That jump was amazing. I'd havebeen scared to death, but would have done it and loved it, anyway.

At this point, which team is your pick to win it all?

Maggie: I really think God is on spring break, because it's lookinglike the frat boys might take it all. And yes, it gave me chills andcold sweats just to type that.

Jamie: They do seem unstoppable at this point, don't they? If I was creating Vegas odds, Team Phi Beta Shut Uppa would be the safe bet.

Which team do you like best?

Maggie: This week's major mistake by Blonde Hippie might actually bode well for the team. I think they're going to be more cautious and careful for the next few legs -- when it really matters.
I also really liked how Blonde Hippie was more upset about possibly damaging his friendship with Brown Hippie than he was about possibly ruining their chances to win the race. And the frog hat? Adorable! I want one.

Jamie: I'm still a counselor at Camp Ray and Yolanda, and I can't wait to see what happens when they start to argue a little. Whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be smoking hot.

Which team to you like least?

Maggie: The only good thing about the frat boys winning the Fast Forward was that they were off my TV screen in 15 minutes flat. They need a good kick in the head."

Jamie: I'm going to have to fall back on my standard answer, all season long: Yeah, the Frat Boys suck, but Team Oldies make me reach for the remote. Get Philiminated already, Fran and Barry.

Quote of the Week:

"You never handed it to me, bitch. Now shut up."
-- Lake to Michelle

Most Annoying Quote of the Week:

"Oh God. It's pulling me. Oh God. I'm so scared. So scared. Oh God. Oh God. I'm scared."
-- Fran on the brink of bungee

Tip From A Reader

2006-04-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

WARNING: It's all speculation, but still - POSSIBLE SPOILER AHEAD.

Reader tip:

Hey James. If you're a betting gal, I've got a lead pipe for ya. Eric and Jeremy are going to win The Amazing Race. Many online casinos have already stopped allowing people to bet on the race because so many people have bet on them.

Again, purely speculation, and it seems like this type of gambling information "leaks" during every other reality show. But still... it lines up with our theories - and we're not happy about it.

Any guesses for the win? We'd love to hear what you think in the comments.

Episode 7 -- We Pretend to be Psychic. Or Not.

2006-04-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

File this under "Screw it."

Usually we put our predictions for race day up here. But this week we decided the hell with it.

The damn race hasn't changed a bit since the very beginning.

Coming in first will either be the lovable hippies or the fratties who need a punch in the face. And because there is no God, those damn old people will remain on the show.

More griping to come tomorrow.

Episode 6: Italy

2006-04-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

We actually had predictions good to go this week, but they didn't get posted. Maggie had to work (psssht) and Jamie couldn't get Blogger to work.

It doesn't matter, though, because both of them were wrong, wrong, wrong.

You know why? We both feel one of the best parts of The Amazing Race is how unpredictable it is. But it seems like nothing has changed, all season long. All the teams are staying in this nice line, with the Team Bong and Phi Beta Shut Uppa on top, the other teams getting picked off the bottom, in order, one by one.

This week, the victim was Team Nerd. But more on that.

The racers woke up in Sicily and had to drive to Catania where they had a choice at the Detour: Big Fish or Little Fish.

They either had to carry a big, drippy, 32-pound fish through a market and sell it to the right guy, or they had to sell 4 ounces of these little guys to whoever they could get to buy. All the teams went with Ol' Oozy, except for The Oldies, who seemed to make their sales quickly.

Most of the teams made short work of a Kayak Polo roadblock, where they had to make a goal before moving on.

Because there is no justice in the universe, the Frat Boys prevailed again, and were delighted to find they won a cruise, solving the burning question of what they would do on their honeymoon.

And since all the tiams arrived in the same order they left, Philimination was the fate for our lovable geeks.

Jamie: I am so torn on the Hippies. I laughed my ass off when BJ (Tyler? I can never remember - the brown one) declared Phi Beta Shut Uppa "dumb," but if Tyler (blond one) does not stop randomly crying "A-Pizza Pie-A!" all through Italy, I'm going to put a mob hit on his ass.

Then again, the fake sign-up sheet is one of my favorite moments of the show, ever. I laughed and laughed some more when the Frat Boys ACTUALLY SIGNED IT. And then the editors came full circle with that quick throwaway shot of Ray picking it up, looking at it questionably, then moving on... Classic.

Maggie: Oh man. As the Hippies were marinating on the idea of that sign-on sheet, I was screaming at my TV. "Do it. Do it. DO IT!" And I'm so glad they did. That cracked my shit up.
In fact, I laughed so much during this episode. Trollbaby's breakdown while a swordfish bled all over her? AWESOME. Annoying Fran yelling "Hello? Hello? Hello?" while cluelessly looking for the groundskeeper? HILARIOUS.

And then when Lake mistook a random Italian dude for the groundskeeper? And the guy gave him a high five when Lake was really expecting the clue? I laughed my ass off. My ass? GONE.

Quote of the week:

"She's going to be Fish Barbie."
-- Hippie about Trollbaby during the fishy detour

Episode 6: We Try To Be Psychic

2006-04-05T16:59:00.000-07:00

No predictions yesterday, of course, because they made a switch -- Wednesdays at 8 p.m. EST. New one tonight.

Jamie: This switch is good for me. New work schedule starts at 4 a.m. Need sleep.I have no idea what is going on this week, but I know it entails various racers hauling giant dead fish around a flea market, and a Trollbaby Tantrum complete with her declaration, "It's the worst thing I've ever done!"

I can't wait for the breakdown.

Maggie: I'm pissed about the new time and day. This screws up everything. For years now, my biological clock has been set to watch The Amazing Race on Tuesdays. And now? Wednesday? What the hell are they doing?

I will grudgingly watch anyway, mostly for the fishy breakdown of Trollbaby. I also hope Joseph gets pissed and throws a fish at her. My kingdom for a cod in her face.

Who will be the first team to arrive?

Jamie: I'm going for an upset - Lake & Michelle.

Maggie: I'd love to see Ray and Yolanda up there, now that they've got some fire under their hot asses.

Who will be the last team to arrive?

Jamie: I predicted a non-elim round last week and was wrong, but I'm going to have to re-predict. I think Team Oldies will come in last, and have to beg for some cash.

Maggie: Old people, it is time. You have to leave the show.

Episode 5: Team Evaluations

2006-03-31T15:55:00.000-08:00

LAKE & MICHELLE

Maggie: Lake becomes more and more like Yosemite Sam every episode. I think there was a full five minutes of him at the airport, steamcoming form his ears, muttering, "Dag nabbit. Those frickin' people. Not one of those sons of bitches are on our flight ..."

Sometimes I'm kind of offended by his redneck tendencies. But othertimes I just want to clap my hands and demand more, more, more! Like,what would happen if that rackin' frackin' varmint rabbit got away once and for all?

Jamie: I was disppointed he didn't call the other teams varmints.Totally waiting for it.

He's the worst type of jerk - the kind of jerk who doesn't THINK he'sa jerk. You can tell he considers himself a tough but fair competitor. Nope. Jerk.

He's also the type of person who KEEPS SCORE of who makes more mistakes - himself or his wife. I don't think I need to elaborate that point.

Lake mentioned that he's a dentist again - this time, I involuntarily shuddered at the thought of him poking sharp things around my mouth.Calling my teeth "varmints" would only be amusing for about 5 seconds.

Remember when they were trying to figure out who should do the "Plunge It" mission in Russia, and Michelle randomly went, "What if I have tobe naked?" A part of me thought they chose Laundry over Foundry because with all those clothes around, Michelle probably wouldn't have to take hers off - you never know when The Amazing Race might require you to carry a bell through town... NAKED.

TEAM BOOBS

Jamie: "We're two girls! We're 22! We just graduated college!"

Shut UP, Team Boobs. I was so, so embarrassed for them when they used their GENDER to explain away why they suck at The Amazing Race. They didn't suck because they're girls. They sucked because theSUCKED. Stupid mistakes, no hustle, and no recouperation from any of their many setbacks.

They sucked because they completely missed thepoint of the game, as evidenced by their closing quote:"We learned more in the race than some people learn in a lifetime, about themselves!" What bizarre, misguided ego. I learned that Team Boobs sucks - probably more information than D or D or Double D will learn in THEIR lifetimes.

Maggie: Way to get back at Lake and Michelle, girls. By getting Philiminated.

Also, I can't wait to see how the frat boys react to this. Will they set their sights on Team Bong?

RAY AND YOLANDA

Maggie: It blows my mind why these two race so poorly. They're smart.They get along OK. And they're built like brick shithouses. Why are they always at the back of the pack? Is it because they are so very directionally challenged? Or are they just slow?

Jamie: Let's blame racisim! No, I'm kidding.

I think the being directionally challenged has a lot to do with it. And you have to have a little fire in you, to run a good race - this past leg, when it looked like they were in danger of Philimination, was the first time Ray and Yolanda showed any spark. Like Team Boobs, they've been playing not to lose. I'm not sure if they have the stuff to play to win.

DAVID & LORI

Maggie: I bet David hasn't sweated that much since the last time theyhad sex while watching "Star Trek."

I did feel bad for Lori, though, on the Roadblock when she was overthinking the statue thing. Sometimes, Lori, life just hands you extra pieces.

Jamie: As we already discussed in our last entry - I would have done the exact same thing. I really, really felt for her, and was even cursing the race planners and maybe kicking some things a little bit.

I'm not sure, man. I'm seeing some cracks in their shiny Nerd veneer.They're starting to get frustrated with each other, and I really did not like how Dave was giving up during the Laundry task - how could he give up when there were still clothes on the line, still tags to be found? I fear the Nerds might be in trouble.

TEAM BONG

Maggie: I like these guys a lot. I know you found their Italian accents to be cringe-worthy, but I still think they're hilarious. (Like the "digital imaging!" thing at the Pit Stop. Hee.) They're great racers, they're having fun, and "a-pizza pie" comments aside, they're really respectful of the places they visit.

Also, I loooved their tribute to the Bowling Moms. How cute!

Jamie: Yeah, they're okay. I've historically liked them. They just got on my nerves a little, this past episode. They still are racing the tie-dye right off of their own shirts, thought, and that pretty much rocks.

PHI BETA SHUT UPPA

In lieu of their normal Team Evaluation, Maggie and Jamie this week have compiled a list of quotes, straight from the dick-scented mouths of Eric & Jeremy. Because Jamie can't be bothered to remember their names, sometimes they will be refered to as "Brown Frat" and "Blonde Frat," as they are referred to in Jamie's head. Sometimes we don't even bother to distinguish between them.

"Push it harder!"

"Your hair looks fine." -- Brown Frat to Blonde Frat, because Blond Frat was sucking up time grooming in the rearview mirror. (For once,that's not a euphemism.)

"I can take my shirt off and show you, if you want." -- Blond Frat toBrown Frat, as Brown Frat tried to assemble a statue of a nude man during the Roadblock.

"This has to be one of Phil's turtlenecks." -- One frat discussing fashion to the other.

"Holy hottie!" -- said Blonde Frat ... about as awkwardly as Elton John checking out a female.

JOSEPH & TROLLBABY

Maggie: Trollbaby cracked me up this episode. It was like a game of"How many ways can she mispronounce 'Palermo?'" That, on top of her monologue about how she isn't a dumb blonde, made for some great comedy.

And Joseph -- nice muscles.

Jamie: As she was giving that tired "Let 'em think I'm a dumb blonde"speech, I went, "Ah. The ol' Jessica Simpson strategy." I think thiswas the first time a team was nearly UNABLE to book a flight, based on butchering the pronounciation of the destination name.

TEAM OLDIES

Maggie: Get a clue. Seriously. How many times will this team miss theclue boxes? It was funny the first time the cameraman got a perfect shot of the dopey duo walking right past a clue box as they said, "It's nowhere here, obviously." But the second time? That's pathetic.

Jamie: Maggie, these two suffer from Clue Box Blindness. It's a DISEASE, and it's not very funny to knock other people's ailments. You are SO insensitive sometimes.

And once again, the T-Mobile Play Hard Get More Team of the Week, as chosen by America, is The Oldies. America, for real. Just because they are wrinkly and Barry wears weird skullcaps doesn't make them awesome or even charming. The only explanation I can think of for their continued popularity is that they remind a nation of their grandparents.

They're negative, whiny, complaining, would-they-fucking-DIE-already grandparents.

Maggie: Aw. I hope one of their grandkids puts that on a cross-stitched pillow.

Episode 5: Palermo, Italy

2006-03-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

What a sweaty, brawny edition of The Amazing Race! (After the 20 minutes of airport frustration, I mean.)

The hippies caught an early flight to Palermo, Italy, while the Frat Boys were screwed out of it because they were playing. Also, Lake and Michelle couldn't seem to figure out how to to translate German Web sites into English -- "we just sat around with our thumbs up our butts," as Lake put it.

In Palermo (or PAL-ermo, as Trollbaby Monica mispronounced it,) teams had a Detour waiting.

"Foundry" required teams to carry a 100-pound church bell up to Chiesa Maria Del Soccorso church, where a priest was waiting with the next clue. During "Laundry," teams searched clotheslines between apartment buildings for marked pieces of clothing.

All but two teams searched through the laundry. (And in the case of the Nerds, this proved to be a physical task.) Meanwhile, Joseph and Ray showed off their muscles by carrying the big bells, while Monica and Yolanda looked on and did nothing.
Teams also did a a fair amount of hiking, including one mile uphill in the ancient city of Segesta. (Except for Lake and Michelle, who walked a mile downhill to the Pit Stop instead of hiking to the Roadblock.)
For the roadblock, each team had to piece together a homoerotic statue. And because the Amazing Race crew is so silly, there were two extra pieces that served only to make girls cry.

In the end, the Hippies triumphed! Dani and Danielle were the big losers and went home -- likely plotting some pink revenge on Lake and Michelle, the team that yielded them.

Which detour would you have picked?

Jamie: Foundry, easy. The bell was only 110 pounds. I can carry 55 pounds for a few yards. Searching through the laundry looked boring, although I was amazed at how difficult some teams found the task. Then again, after years of watching The Amazing Race, I guess I shouldn't have been.

Maggie: I would have been right there with you on Foundry. I don't know why so many teams go for those "Where's Waldo"-type tasks where you have to search through a bajillion things. The physical things are just a couple minutes of hard work, then done.

That said, I am an expert at tearing through loads of laundry in search of the one thing I need. So I could have rocked that one too. I just would have been bored off my ass.

How would you have fared on the roadblock?

Jamie: Exactly like Lori did. All the other teams would have Taoed their way past the extra pieces, but I'm so neurotic, I would have sat there, frustrated, just like the female half of Team Nerd, trying to make those last two damn pieces fit.

Maggie: Heh. And I'm the loser who would have done the Bart Simpson thing and HIDDEN the extra pieces.

At this point, which team is your pick to win it all?

Maggie: I think the hippies know when to buckle down and get serious, which they showed with their Internet skills at the airport. I think they're getting the cool million. At least, I hope so.

Jamie: I think you're right. I thought the Frat Luck was unstoppable, but they showed poor strategy at the airport - and it wasn't the kind of poor strategy where they would be like, "Let's learn from this, and use it." Especially since they spend so much time telling us how LITTLE of their time is spent thinking.

At this point, the Hippies do seem to be the best all-around racing team.

Which team do you like best?

Maggie: I still love the hippies. But Ray rivaled them in this episode, with his mad trash talk during the Roadblock. "I'm comin'. I'm comin' like Christmas."

Jamie: My love of the hippies started to crack, a little. I think it might have been the hour of their bad "Italian" "accents." Ray killed me, too, and he and Yolanda are back in my good graces.

Which team to you like least?

Maggie: The Oldies need a good talking to. For example, BARRY. Explain to me why you would wear a patriotic skullcap. Don't let me see that thing on your head again.

Also, FRAN. Why be such a bitch to Lake and Michelle? Sure, they're rednecks, but you were terribly rude and should know better.

Jamie: I thought she realized she and Barry were on an earlier flight, and didn't want Lake to see. Even so, there are smoother ways to get someone to back off. I'm a big fan of, "Look, there's Elvis!"

The Oldies are still my most-hated, too. But Lake and Michelle are really, really gunning for the honor.

Quote of the Week:

"That's pathetic. Like we're a threat to you. Grow up." -- One of the members of Team Boobs, after being Yielded by Lake and Michelle. Huh. With confidence like that, how the hell did those two crazy girls get Philiminated?

Episode 5: We Try To Be Psychic

2006-03-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

Jamie: The teams head to Italy, sorting through laundry on a line, and assembling a statue of a man - with great difficulty, apparently. Doesn't reflect well on the male members of the coed teams, does it? Possibly a Team Nerd breakdown at a roadblock, with Lori having some serious difficulties with her model man. Sorry to hear about THAT, Dave.

Maggie: Aw, I don't want to see Lori cry. Geek tears are somehow the saddest tears.

Jamie: The only thing sadder is geeky puppy tears. Also, that Indian who's depressed about litter. For some reason, he tugs on my heartstrings.

Who will be the first team to arrive?

Jamie: Eric and Jeremy seem unstoppable, don't they? I think Lake and Michelle are getting determined and have a chance, but ultimately, I'll have to go with Phi Beta Shut Uppa.

Maggie: At some point, they will be stopped. And BJ and Tyler are just the hippies for the job. I think they'll take the Fratties out this time.

Who will be the last team to arrive?

Jamie: Team Oldies is still high from coming in 4th on the last leg, and Team Boobs will be driven - they came in next to last, and have expressed frustration that they haven't been playing to win - they've been playing not to lose. The only team that has stayed completely stagnant for the first 4 episodes is Ray & Yolanda - my pick for last on the mat.

However, I'm going to go out on a big ol' limb and predict this as a non-elimination round. We haven't had one yet, and it seems like we're due.

Maggie: Damn it. You're probably right about this being a non-elim round, but I really want another team to go.

I don't want the Oldies to make it, so I'm projecting all my energy that way.

Jamie: Ugh. The only thing more depressing than The Oldies constant stream of complaints would be their constant stream of complaints while asking strangers for money. If I'm right, I hope you're wrong.

Episode 4: Team Evaluations

2006-03-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

LAKE & MICHELLE

Jamie: They're just stressful to watch, aren't they? Snippy and mean and MY GOD, those accents. I am sorry, Philiminated readers from the south. But Michelle has my least favorite accent in the whole world.

And when Lake asked her to be positive (hypocrite) and she busted out that sarcastic, "Go, baybee! Git 'er done!" little cheer... Well. I am no fan of Lake, but at that moment, he may have had my forgiveness if he'd driven his wife off of a cliff. They are both brutal to watch and hear.

Maggie: The only really funny thing about this team happens when they open their mouths and sound all Britney/Kevin. The editors obviously thought their Southern accents were so difficult to decipher, they put up SUBTITLES nearly every time they speak. Hee.

You know you're a redneck when you need subtitles.

TEAM BOOBS

Jamie: I hate to say it, but I think the pinks may be a little deflated (heh). Their dumb mistake of leaving their race pack behind at the Roadblock during the last episode seemed to trigger a string of bad luck, and it's starting to show - did you see their slumped shoulders as they searched for the Pit Stop? I do not know if Team Boobs has it in them to rally.

Do you think they're really making out with Phi Beta Shut Uppa? I think the Frat Boys are telling fibs. But on the slim chance it's not locker-room-style exaggeration? Girls. Stop it.

Maggie: I thought maybe, just maybe, these two were diabolical geniuses and were making out with the Fratties for the good of the race. But I was wrong.

These two have even less floating through their heads that that Travelocity gnome. They are completely blank inside.

So they decide to follow a team -- a bad team -- and get lost. And then they continue to follow them?

Stupid, stupid girls.

RAY AND YOLANDA:

Maggie: Eh.

Also, if I can get Dr. Phil for a moment, I don't think they're in love. They don't seem to share any great emotion for each other. Not even spite.

Jamie: They seemed pretty cool in the first episode, but we haven't seen much of them since, except for watching them trudge through the tasks. Maybe they've been cool this whole time, but the editors can't resist an excuse to use subtitles, and so Lake and Michelle get all the screen time.

Maggie, how can they not be in love? They're so pretty.

DAVID & LORI

Jamie: So, the nerds start talking "strategy," and "playing for themselves." Classic schoolyard heirarchy dictates that the class geeks are reliable doormats - it'll be interesting to see if they other teams have made similar assumptions, and are surprised to find out Lori and David might not be the "nice couple" people have assumed they are.

Also, Lori had one of my favorite quotes from the episode: "Phil, being his dramatic self."

Maggie: Ah, but if you remember "Revenge of the Nerds," the doormats always come out on top. So I have high hopes for this geeky twosome.

I also liked Lori's "psyche-you-out pitstop" comment.

Jamie: I thought that was Dave? No matter, although it does make me nervous that they may be morphing into one, giant, SuperNerd.

PHI BETA SHUT UPPA

Jamie: Maggie, I know they infuriate you. It's okay if you want to skip this team, just this once. I just wish Phil woudln't encourage them.

Maggie: Top 10 reasons these guys might suspect they're gay:
10. Constant references to how their actions might be considered gay.
9. Incessant proclamations about how straight they are. And did they mention that they're straight?
8. Leering glances at Johann, the sexy German stranger on the bus.
7. Awkward attempt to hit on hot German dancing girl.
6. Forcing the German dancing girl to put lipstick marks on their cheeks.
5. Talk about their many conquests. Because they bang chicks! And they're straight!
4. "Tongue wrestling." Ew.
3. Accidental moments of tender touching.
2. Loving gay glances.
1. Fecal matter on their dicks.

Jamie: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

JOSEPH & TROLLBABY

Maggie: Surprisingly, some of my favorite moments in this episode came from this team. Joseph immediately hopping in the drivers' seat at the Mercedes racetrack, the way he screamed like a little girl on the Wall of Death, and Trollbaby's reaction to the to be continued mat.

Also, I think Monica becomes prettier the dirtier she gets. She looked like a cute troll in this episode.

Jamie: She, too, was freqently subtitled. And you're right - they were so icky at first. What happened? I also liked after the Slap dance, when she was so relieved and was like, "This was WAY more fun than bottles..."

TEAM OLDIES

Maggie: I think maybe the editors are getting exhausted with the constant moans from this duo, because we didn't see much of the team this time around.

We did, however, see their fantastic map-reading skills at work! Wow, how amazing! Watch how they locate cities and highways! It's almost as though they're printed on the page in front of them.

Jamie: It was a little sad how proud he was of that, wasn't it? You know I hate them. I hate their voices, their negativity, and the way they suck all the joy from my soul, just by appearing on my TV screen.

At least we didn't have to hear them bray about being eliminated, for once. I'm sure they DID say it - but the editors couldn't stomach another round, either.

WANDA & DESIREE

Maggie: I'm glad this team was put out of their misery before the mom's head started spinning in circles and projecting vomit. I like the girl and thought she looked way hot in lederhosen. But the mom was a Spanglish-spewing, shrill harpie.

Jamie: I actually thought the Spanglish bit was one of the most interesting of the episode. I had never thought about people putting on accents, even in situations like The Amazing Race when it can clearly make everything more difficult, but that's obviously what Desiree was accusing her mother of doing. And I couldn't decided whether it sounded more like an ongoing fight, or a new frustration.

I liked when they asked their cab driver how to say "Fast" in German, and he said, "Schnell," and then Wanda yelled "Schnell! Schnell!" at him, over and over.

I'm pretty sure he knew what "Fast" meant. SINCE HE JUST TOLD THEM.

Episode 4: Germany

2006-03-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

The second half of an extended their leg runs the teams all over Germany. The race went literal with a racetrack featuring a Wall of Death, and the racers faced issues including commando hippies, Spanglish, and whether or not that was REALLY Santa standing next to Phil on the final mat at the Pit Stop.

I guess if you're going to drive yourselves around Germany, a Mercedes Benz on the Autobahn is the way to go.

At the beginning of the episode, self-proclaimed nerds Dave and Lori were in last place. They proved that geeks can really hustle by zooming past other teams to secure a 4th place finish at the final Pit Stop.

Detour tasks along the way includes Break It -- bludgeoning each other over the head with stunt beer bottles each time the little birdie went "cuckoo," or Slap It -- learning steps to a traditional German folk dance. (All while wearing lederhosen.)

In the end, it was nearly a footrace between Team Boobs, and Wanda and Desiree. The mother/daughter duo couldn't quite hack it - after a leg where they got lost, got frustrated, and got behind, they were ultimately the last time to arrive, and is it wrong to say we bid them Adios? Who cares? We totally did.

Which detour would you have chosen?

Maggie: I am all over Break It. Yes, the task looks like a gigantic pain in the ass, but I've always wanted to smack someone upside the head with a beer bottle. Besides, I know from firsthand experience how difficult it is to do traditional German dances in those leather pants.

Jamie: This is another Detour where I would have sighed over the task I WANTED to do (Break It), before grudgingly choosing the task I thought I could do faster (Slap It). And I think I would have been right - those German dance judge dudes were easy - a bunch of pansies compared to the clean trolley judges in Moscow.

Exception: If my team was enjoying the kind of lead Phi Beta Shut Uppa had, I'd have been all over Break It.

Maggie: I am so white, I can't even polka with rhythm. So that "Slap It" task would have been excrutiating. However, if I could have first consumed the contents of several beer bottles, I would have rocked that dance like nobody's business. And done it on top of a table too. Upside down.

How would you have fared on the roadblock?

Maggie: As soon as the camera panned over that field, before they even annouced the roadblock, I gasped, "Is that where gnomes die?" I would have been mighty freaked out by this task -- there's something weird about seeing little feet sticking straight up out of a field -- but I wouldn't have cried like Desiree. She didn't have any sort of systematic plan whatsoever.

Jamie: It's funny - I lost count of how many of the teams non-searching partners yelled "Be systematic!" That seemed to have been the advice of the roadblock - kind of like how several teams had the exact same reaction to hearing it was an extended leg: "Oh, shoot."

I think it was bad strategy for Joseph and Trollbaby to send Joseph to do the gnome roadblock - you'd think Trollbaby would have been able to hone in on the locations of her relatives, no problem.

Maggie: Heh. I love you.

At this point, which team is your pick to win it all?

Maggie: I don't understand how Eric and Jeremy keep winning legs. They're not especially smart or deliberate. Yet, good things consistantly fall into their laps. (And I'm not just talking Dani and Danielle.) I know people like this in real life, and it's incredibly frustrating. I keep thinking karma will come back to bite them in the ass, and it never does.I hate to admit it, but I'm scared these two idiots might take the final prize.

Jamie: They are crazy lucky, and they make it look easy. I know, I know, it's frustrating. As a firm believer in karma, though, I'm going to have to stay on the hippie train for the cool million. They made a hell of a comeback this leg - I've said it before, and I'll say it again, The Frat Boys haven't been challenged. I really feel like you can't run this race without at least one setback - we haven't seen how they'll handle adversity.

Besides, at least they're having fun - I hate seeing teams who look like they're being TORTURED to compete in The Amazing Race. It's amazing! Act like it!

Which team do you like best?

Maggie: I love that B.J. and Tyler tipped Phil a dollar at the clue mat. So cute. Also, they were smart enough to wait at the ticket counter in Russia, even though the computer was down. That tenacity and follow-through really paid off.

Jamie: Ditto. Also, Team Nerds is started to creep up Jamie's Like-O-Meter. They've cut the lovey dovey shit a little, and they're showing a dark side. Uuuuuse the fooooorce...

Which team do you like least?

Maggie: Why won't the old people leave? They're like two gigantic sinkholes of depression. I need Zoloft every time they're on the screen.And did you see their reaction to the most awesome racetrack ever? It was like someone poked Barry in the eye with a stick, and he was trying to be polite about it. "Oh. Great. Just great."

Jamie: I know. Did you hear Fran commence moan in line at the airport? I swear, I'd recognize that tone of whinge anywhere. I fear it will show up in my dreams, or in line at the bank, or something.

They perceive themselves as a team who has gotten horrible luck, no breaks, and have overcome all this adversity to stay in the race. Confidential to Fran and Barry: ALL THE OTHER TEAMS ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING YOU ARE! Suck it up and TRY to have fun.

Or better yet, get off my TV screen.

Quote of the Week:

"I can't drive, and I'm too drunk anymore." -- Random German dude to Lake and Michelle

Episode 4: We Try To Be Psychic

2006-03-21T14:47:00.000-08:00

Maggie: Looks like teams are heading to Germany, land of my people.(Aside: I wonder if they'll see my grandma.) Here Fran and Barry have to dance the polka. Something happens with acuckoo clock. And Eric and Jeremy smack each other upside the headwith some beer bottles -- no telling yet if this is part of a task ornot.

Jamie: Hey, after the tedius and uncomfortable leg in Germany, I say the teams deserve to have some fun. And if that fun involves the potentially painful smashing of bottles over the heads of Phi Beta Shut Uppa's pledges? Well, then, I'm all for it.

How excellent does that racetrack look? Pretty excellent. Too bad they don't get to drive, but still - I can't wait.

Maggie: Oh my goodness. I can't believe I forgot about the racetrack, which looks so awesome. But, you know, to Germans, that's a typical Sunday drive on the Autobahn.

Who will be the first team to arrive?

Maggie: I'm going out on a limb and saying Team Boobs.As much as Ilove the hippies, I'm tired of the all boy teams consistantly comingin first. Plus, I think they'll be able to use their feminine wileshere -- Germans appreciate some heft in the chest.

Jamie: That is a bold, bold choice, Miss Maggie. You've inspired me to be bold, as well - I'll say Lake & Michelle, because it always seems like at least once a season, the most haterated team comes in first just to make us haterate them even more.

Who will be the last team to arrive?

Maggie: I'm guessing we say auf wiedersehen to the Oldies. At least, Ihope. They can't stay in too much longer.

Jamie: I hope you're right. And I'll match my prediction to yours, with the tiny hope that our agreeing will make you right.

Because we all know that you and I have a LOT of pull when it comes to the outcome of The Amazing Race.

Episode 3: Team Evaluations

2006-03-20T16:26:00.000-08:00

LAKE & MICHELLE

Maggie: Lake is one racist mofo, with his derogitory phrases and ugly American attitudes. He makes me ill.

The only way I've found to deal with this team is to imagine them as Britney and Kevin, behind the scenes. Then the dialogue becomes a lot funnier.

Britney/Michelle: You just killed my ass.
Kevin/Lake: Shut up, woman.

Jamie: Awesome! Yeah, he's a jerk. There was one quick little exchange, and I don't even remember who he was talking to (shouting at), where he wanted something, and tried to bargain, "We helped you with [something tiny and inconsequential]" and the other team was like, "Whatever" and moved on.

I think we'll be seeing a lot more of that.

TEAM BOOBS

Jamie: When we talk about what makes people good racers, we usually use words like "speed," "luck," and "strength." When we talk about what makes teams fun to watch, I think the keys are an interesting strategy, and for sure - THEY have to be having fun.

But Team Boobs is reminding me of a quality that you don't hear mentioned much, but seems to be key for Amazing success - resiliance. Because the thing is, no matter how hard they try, teams are going to have bad luck, and they're going to make mistakes, like leaving a Race Pack at a Roadblock. Even though TAR fans don't talk about it as much, I think tenacity is crucial - teams simply have to be able to get past the fuck-ups and get back in the game. I think Team Boobs really struggled to get back in the game, this time.

Maggie: Yeah, yeah. They got the pack and got back in the race. But the morons shouldn't have left it behind in the first place.

Also, what was with that interview in the beginning about playing with their hearts, bodies -- and boobs?

I think they're just silly. They're doing that whole tease thing, like the girls who grind on each other at clubs to get male attention. Maybe that's their way of playing the game, but I don't respect it one bit.

RAY AND YOLANDA:

Maggie: I like this team OK. But I think I could like them more.

Also, I think the relationship is already a bit strained. I didn't see a lot of encouragement from Ray when Yolanda was obviously scared shitless during the "Plunge It" task.

Jamie: I still have the same frustrations with RaYo I had last week, and I still contend that it was a stupid decision to choose Yolanda for the Detour, but given those were the cards she was dealt, I'd say she handled it pretty well.

She can clearly swim, though. If she couldn't, she would have drowned. So I'm not sure what that was about.

DAVID & LORI

Jamie: Granted, I've only been watching TAR for a few seasons. But this is the first time I think I've ever seen a team share a cab with another team to save money. This early in the Race? Sure seems like a sound strategy. (Yes, I know Team Boobs and Team Phi Beta Shut Uppa also shared a cab, but I think that was less about financial strategy and more about an excuse to rest butts upon laps.)

Maggie: Still nerdy, still love. Also, I thought Lori looked fantastic in her swimsuit -- and it was even a very unflattering one-piece.

PHI BETA SHUT UPPA

Maggie: These guys disgust me. From naming their car "Danielle #3" to messing up the girl's hair on the airplane, they're just plain assholes. Even worse, they're boring.

Jamie: I wouldn't even notice them if they weren't running a hell of a race.

JOSEPH & TROLLBABY

Maggie: Were they even in this episode?

Jamie: Don't know/care.

TEAM OLDIES

Jamie: Again, America voted Fran and Barry the "T-Mobile Play Hard Get More Team." America, would you STOP IT?

Maggie: I know 200 old people who are smarter, stronger and generally more likeable than these two. How in the hell did this couple get cast?

WANDA & DESIREE

Maggie: I think these two did a decent job on this leg considering that my cat is a better swimmer than Wanda. And less hysterical, too.

I give Desiree mad props for dealing with her mom's craziness, though. Me? I might have given her a barbell to hold.

Jamie: I think it'll be one extreme or another for the mother/daughter duo - they're either going to crash and burn in a big way, or hit their stride and surprise everyone, even themselves. Can't wait to see which way she swings.

Episode 3: Moscow, Russia

2006-03-17T04:08:00.000-08:00

Just to be clear, Maggie and Jamie were NOT copping out in this week's predictions. We are in fact SO psychic, we KNEW this would be an extended leg, with no eliminations, and therefore, no need to predict which team would get the boot. Right? Right.

First up? A zip with a view on a zipline, with lots of wacky hippie fun as Team Bong hides by the road and then jumps out at racers as they roll up in their VW bugs. Then, despite Lake's random prejudice, the Racers head from Brazil to wintery Moscow, Russia, where they face the roadblock "Plunge It," a swimming challenge in the freezing cold. After Team Boobs have to backtrack to retrieve a forgotten Race Pack and Wanda struggles to get herself far enough under water to retrieve the clue, the teams are faced with a Detour: Scrub or Scour. Both choices suck. No, really. It should have been called Torture #1, or Torture #2? They can either find a tiny clue among a jillion Russian nesting dolls while accompanied by tense live music, or wash a big, dirty trolley in the cold. Most teams make their decision on the whims of their cab drivers but everyone struggles.

In true form, The Oldies give up and proclaim it "over" several dozen times during the leg, despite a strong standing among the other racers for most of the episode. Eric and Jeremy catch some luck among the nesting dolls, and find themselves first to see Phil on the matt... but he hands them a clue and sends them on their way again.

Which detour would you have chosen?

Jamie: Man. I would have opened that envelope, groaned, then tossed it in the air and said, "Neither. Fuck you, Phil."

Then I would have picked it up, dusted it off, and grudgingly chosen Scrub It, even thought I'm already freezing and I hate to clean. Of course, just like the teams, I wouldn't have been able to anticipate the difficulties finding the trolleys - how crazy was that? Teams are always somewhat at the mercy of their cab drivers, but this is the first time I've seen drivers flat-out unable to find the location, and the first time I've seen Detour decisions based on that ability, or lack.

Maggie: I agree with Scrub. Even though it sounds like hell, this is how I made it through my teenage years – quickly cleaning just enough to make things look clean without actually being clean. I think I could have whipped right through the job.

How would you have fared on the roadblock?

Jamie: Fine, but again, miserable. I'm a pretty strong swimmer, but I've lived in South Florida for years, most of them in the Keys. I don't go into the water unless it's 80, and gawk at all the tourists who cruise in during the springtime like it's no problem. Faced with this roadblock, I would have pleadingly asked my teammate, "Would you like to do it?" but if it was truly better for me to be the one, I'd be the damn one. I'd probably bitch about it a lot, though.

Still, I'd have done a hell of a lot better than SOME teams I can think of. Apparently, if your first name ends with "Anda," it's written somewhere that you must exhibit insanely poor judgment during this roadblock. Let's see. It's located at a swimming pool, and the clue is called "Plunge It." Well, then. The obvious choice is to go with Yolanda, who can't swim, and Wanda, who is afraid and unable to dive under water. Yep, that's the way to go. Winning strategy! (Although, for someone who "can't swim?" Yolanda seemed to fare pretty well.)

In the imaginary team of Maggie and Jamie, though, I'm not sure. Maggie, are you a good swimmer?

Maggie: I’m not the strongest swimmer in the world, but I can hold my own. I’ve passed lifeguard classes and whatnot, so I certainly could have hopped off a diving board and gotten the clue. No biggie. But with the frigid temperatures, I guarantee they would have had some major editing to do with all my cursing.

I know they have to decide which team member does the roadblock before they ever open the envelope. Even so, Wanda and Yolanda are dumbasses. You’re at a POOL. And the envelope says “PLUNGE IT.” Did you think you would be baking bread or riding horses? What the hell?

At this point, which team is your pick to win it all?

Jamie: I hate to say it, but Eric and Jeremy are on a winning track. I still believe in the power of Team Bong to take it all, because I believe karma will catch up with Phi Beta Shut Uppa's dumb asses at the end, but at this rate, they're going to get far. Then again, we haven't seen anything to prove their resilience - everything has come pretty easy to the Frat Boys, so far. It's possible they'll crash and burn at the first sign of adversity.

Maggie: I'm going with the hippies. They're by far the smartest racers -- and right now they're just playing to stay in the game. I think they're just going to keep getting better and better as the race progresses.

Which team do you like best?

Jamie: Lake and Michelle, for sure.

Just kidding.

Still riding The Hippie train. I don't expect that to change any time soon. They got me last week, but just sealed the deal with the jumping out and scaring people bit at the zipline. Exactly what I would have done in their place.

Maggie: I loved that bit! I laughed out loud. Yes, these guys are still my favorite, because they’re fun and happy and – my God, they scare the other teams! Way to race, guys!

Which team do you like least?

Jamie: Ah, so many to choose from. Stupid, offensive Phi Beta Shut Uppa? Ugly Americans Lake and Michelle? As gross as they all are, my most hated team is still The Oldies. Even though they seem like perfectly nice people, their moaning and negativity are so soul-sucking, I have to fight to keep myself from changing the channel every time they pop up on the TV.

Maggie: Ugh, the Oldies. I really think they have something wrong deep down inside to make them so melancholy and negative. It’s like they’ve been very, very constipated. For the last 20 years or so.

But they’re not my most hated team right now. I’d still have to go with the fratties, who are just one roofie away from being sexual predators.

Quote(s) of the Week:

"This is DEFINITELY the wrong way." -- Lake, standing atop the car in the middle of a cornfield. Gee, ya think?

“The pretty girls? With the big boobies? They’re coming with you,” -- Eric to a cab driver.

Episode 3: We Try To Be Psychic

2006-03-14T14:19:00.000-08:00

No predictions for Leg 3. Maggie is swamped at work, and Jamie is working a shift that starts at 4 a.m. this week, PLUS she has 4 college freshmen girls staying with her on their spring break.

She's lucky to be alive. Forget about spare moments to look ahead for The Amazing Race.

We're just going to watch this episode like the rest of you guys this week - our regularly programmed blogging will be back next week.

Vy podozhdyote?

Schast'ya i zdorov'ya!

Episode 2: Team Evaluations

2006-03-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

LAKE & MICHELLE

Jamie: "I am overDONE with Spanish!" --Lake

"It's Portuguese." -- Michelle

I don't think Lake is turning out to be the Jonathan-like villain he was cast to be, but he's still kind of dumb and annoying and loud. He talks A LOT. Have you noticed he talks A LOT? Doesn't say much, but boy, does he ever talk.

My only other comment on Lake and Michelle is in the beginning, when a few of the teams were in interviews, self-evaluating their strengths. Michelle said something about how her contribution is keeping Lake calm - and, man. How sad is that? The only thing you bring to the team is reining in your partner. Not to get all Dr. Jamie on you, but I hope Michelle finds a strength in this race - I mean, one that doesn't center around her husband. A contribution that is truly her own.

Maggie: I think Lake is a villain in that he personifies the stereotype of "Ugly American." He seems to really have a condescending view of other cultures. Plus, it's like there's no filter from his brain to his mouth, which is why we're getting a lot of stupid, annoying comments like, "Get yer ass up that mountain!"

And why, oh why is this team still wearing motion sickness patches behind their ears? They're not on a ship or anything, so what's in motion? Can they feel the revolution of the Earth?

TEAM BOOBS

Maggie: Methinks these chicks have gotten scared straight. First, they had that failure with the motorcycle task in the first detour, then they had that breakdown over the 400-foot rappelling roadblock.

And now they've realized that boobs alone won't win them a million bucks. I'm anxious to see how they get through the next couple episodes. I doubt they're going to hang in much longer unless they start taking the race seriously.

Jamie: I kind of hope so. I'd written them off, but for some reason, your comments are kind of making me hope they'll have a turnaround. I'm hoping we'll get a better idea during Leg 3.

TEAM BONG:

Maggie: This team really won me over when they were pushing their ancient VW Bug back into the street and said, "Who needs the reverse gear? We've got hippie talent!"

And they do!

Jamie: I thought they said "Hippie Power..." but still, the sentiment is the same. Who'd have though bright pants and crazy hair would propel this team to the front of the pack? Wait, I thought that. Still... the hippies of the 60s were action folk, but the hippies I knew in the 90s? Not so much. So it's refreshing to see Peace, Love, & Competitiveness.

RAY & YOLANDA

Maggie: I really want to love this team. I do. But they're giving me no reason -- other than climbing the hell out of that waterfall.

Jamie: I loved some of their clever remarks during the first episode. Still hoping that they just haven't reached their stride, yet. But you're right - they are a frustrating duo to try to love. As racers. As four muscular legs, they are a vision of love.

DAVID & LORI

Maggie: I loved watching these two do the nerdy roadblock.

I really hope they stick around for a while, because it seems like this team is genuinely having fun on the race. They're enjoying the new scenery, taking it all in, and doing pretty well against the other teams. I like that.

Plus, David had me with the Mr. Wizard comment.

Jamie: Best comment of the episode. Hope they have more of the funny, less of the mush. It'll be interesting to see if their "We're in LOOOOVE" veneer cracks under pressure later on - they're another team that is doing well, but not great, and could stand to find their rhythm and step it up.

PHI BETA SHUT UPPA

Jamie: As I mentioned on the Episode 2 wrapup, I am now on board the Eric and Jeremy hate train. It's nice that they're doing so well so effortlessly, and I can't help but respect that. But their sex talk is beyond old, and there have only been two episodes.

If Eric & Jeremy had a perv-off, facing Fran & Barry in a moan-off, I don't think there would ever be a winner or loser. They'd just perv and whine, horndog and moan, until the universe imploded.

Maggie: I just plain hate them. Period.

JOSEPH & TROLLBABY

Jamie: Just when I thought this team couldn't get any more boring, they bored me so much I am tired trying to finish this sentence. They don't fight. They don't seem to be having fun. They don't have any discernable personalities.

Maggie: Blah.

TEAM OLDIES

Jamie: America voted Fran and Barry the "T-Mobile Play Hard Get More Team." America is stupid.

Maggie: So Fran and Barry had a problem with their car.

"That's it. We're done," Barry said. ""What a way to get eliminated."

Cut to a shot of the replacement car and Barry beaming, "It ain't over 'til it's over!"

THAT is my problem with Fran and Barry. They have a horribly depressing, defeatist attitude.

They should be Team Eeyore.

In the end, that mindset will prove to be more of a problem for them than any of the physical tasks or younger, swifter teams.

THE FROSTIES

Jamie: As annoying as they were in shriek n' pee mode, it was a little sad to see Lisa's and Joni's enthusiasm for the race squashed by a tricky stick shift. They had a lot of things going for them: energy, determination, height, and some aggressive highlights. The only thing they didn't have going for them? Luck and speed.

Maggie: Now we know what happens when Glamazons have a bad day. There's no shrieking. No tiara. No peeing of the pants. Just some really bitchy bickering.

"Pretend you're giving birth to a child."

"I didn't. I had a C-section."

These two are like a Hallmark card with menopause.

WANDA & DESIREE

Maggie: Were these two even in this episode?

I guess they didn't screw up or piss anyone off -- or do anything stellar, for that matter.

The only thing I really remember was Desiree, who during the sugar cane task, said, "This is karma for all the times I passed out in chemistry class." Huh? Was she a teenage drunk?

I hope we see mroe of them next episode. I think I could really get behind them.

Jamie: You're right - they were glossed over. If they stay competitive, I'm sure we'll see more of them as the teams dwindle down, and aren't fighting so much for screen time.

Episode 2: Brotas, Brazil

2006-03-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

Teams remained in Brazil during the second -- and seemingly really short leg -- of the Amazing Race.
The first roadblock of the race took place at a 400-foot building, where one person had to climb a fire escape and rappel down the side.
Teams were then taken by bus to Brotas, selected an old VW Bug and found the next clue, which was detour -- a choice of climbing a rope on a waterfall or processing sugar cane juice into ethanol.
Finally, teams drove themselves to the pit stop, a coffee plantation. Winners were hippies B.J. and Tyler. Big losers were sisters Lisa and Joni, who had some trouble driving.

Which detour would you have picked?

Maggie: This was one of those cases where I would have gone for the fun detour, instead of the easiest.
Obviously climbing a rope at a waterfall would be a physically demanding task. But c'mon -- how often do you get to climb a waterfall? Hells yeah. I would have been all over that. Plus, it didn't look too difficult once you figured out the ascender.
The act of turning sugar cane into gas was just so boring, I never in a million years would have chosen that option. I'm not surprised about the teams who did choose it, though. The nerds were a given -- I'm shocked they didn't don white lab coats -- and so were the Glamazon sisters.

However, can anybody explain why old farts Fran and Barry opted for the waterfall? What were they thinking? It's like they made a deal with someone to deliberately choose the worst possible task.

Jamie: For this leg, Maggie, I am your Detour Opposite. I have very little faith in my upper body strength, and my first instinct was to go with the sugar cane. I'd have chosen it regretfully, promising myself that I'd take me on a little waterfall climb just as soon as I finish winning a million dollars in The Amazing Race.

Now, after seeing the detours, I know Press It would have been a mistake. Climb It used legs, too, and I think I could have hacked. Hell, I know I could have - I may not have Team Boobs' guns, but if Fran can do it, I'm pretty sure I can.

When I heard The Oldies' stupid logic behind their detour choice, I, too, was all, "What were they thinking?" I think my exact words were, "Here's a free newsflash to Team Oldies, a courtesy of Jamie's Crashingly Obvious Information Service: YOU'RE OLD!"

But I have to give it to them. Slow and steady, they got to the top, and even with a car-breakdown delay, they managed to get to the mat before Team Frosties. This time? Their poorly-thought-out, shitty, choice seemed to work. And I can't fault a decision that holds off Philimination.

How would you have fared on the roadblock?

Maggie: Ugh. This was like an instructional video of how to rappel in slow motion -- and right up against the face of the building. You're supposed to push off the surface, you know. Have these people never gone rappelling before?

Also, here's what I didn't understand about the Boob Girl's fear of heights on this roadblock. Somehow she was scared to go down the side of the building with a rope and a harness. But running up 40 stories on a shaky fire escape was perfectly within her comfort zone? How does that work?

I've done enough Stairmaster to know I could have rocked this task. Now, I wouldn't have been like Six Million Dollar Man Ray. But I could have made it fairly easily. And I would have been down that rope in a heartbeat.

And I was so proud of smart hippie B.J for choosing the furthest fire escape, thus having no competition when it came time to rappel.

Jamie: Within the imaginary TAR team made up of the two of us, this task would have been all you. Not because of the rappelling - I think that looked fun. But ALL THOSE STAIRS. It was like an actual Stairway To Heaven.

I, too, was wondering why no one's bodies were perpendicular to the wall face, like they're supposed to be when you rappel. But then, I got a closer look at their harness - it looked like their main pulley point, instead of being at their waists, was somewhere in front of their faces. That created an angle - or really, failed to create an angle - that would have made it just about impossible to push off the surface, with the form you and I are used to. I think the set-up was behind the weird parallel rappel.

There was no excuse for the pile-ups at the top, though. What was everyone thinking, all going up the same staircase? For his choice of the far fire escape alone, BJ and Team Bong deserved their first place finish.

At this point, which team is your pick to win it all?

Jamie: In the first two legs, the order of team arrival hasn't changed much, has it? Oldies and Frosties at the bottom, Phi Beta Shut Uppa and Team Bong at the top, everyone else somewhere in the middle. Now, this leg had big divisions, early on, because of the bus schedules, but still. If the teams at the bottom don't step it up a notch, at the current rate, they're just going to be picked off one by one.

I have faith that Ray and Yolanda will get their wits about them, and step it up that notch. This is based entirely on that shot of her thighs, as she hiked up the trail after completing the Climb It detour.

Maggie: See, I'm losing faith in Ray and Yolanda. True, they're in some serious shape. But they're going about the whole thing in such a robotic, mechanical way. And they don't really seem to be having fun, which breaks my cardinal rule of The Amazing Race. It's Amazing! Enjoy it!

I really think the hippies will take it. Each week, they impress me more and more with their racing skills. The fire escape was just one example -- but it was a brilliant and simple move. Little things like that can really take a team to the finish line.

Some of those other teams? It's like they've never even seen the show before.

Which team do you like best?

Jamie: Maggie, you've bought me a ticket, and I'm on board the hippie train.

Although, I'm surprised their friendship with Phi Beta Shut Uppa isn't taining your love of Team Bong.

Maggie: Hooray! We're both on board.

I was a little surprised about the friendship at with the frat boys at first. And then I thought about all the people I know who remind me of B.J. and Tyler -- and how they would likely act in the same easygoing manner.

That friendship is just more evidence of how open and friendly B.J. and Tyler are toward all people.

Which team do you like least?

Jamie: Because I don't think they're going to be around much longer, I'm switching my hate gears to Team Oldies. My previously most-hated team, Joseph and Troll-Baby, just bore the crap out of me. You've also bought me a ticket on board the Phi Beta Shut Uppa Hate Train. But The Oldies are the only team that makes me cringe when they show up on the TV screen - I dread them opening their mouths, so I have to hear more gloom and doom. So anxious to give up? Then just give up already.

Maggie: I never thought the frat boys could make me hate them more, but somehow they managed.
First, they waited around for their new buds, B.J. and Tyler, instead of getting a head start on the leg. That's just bad form. Then they spent the entirety of the race following the hippies. Again, bad way to race.

There was also the incessant, sexist crap they spewed.

But, by far, their worst transgression came at the mat, when they screamed, "Where's the damn Phil at?" and called the host a "bitch." They deserved every bit of that powerful eyebrow pop Phil gave them in return.

Also, these two could not get gayer -- and it went way beyond the catcalls they shouted at a transvestite prostitute. Seriously, Jeremy is so awkward while hitting on chicks, I think he would almost be more comfortable researching nuclear fission.
They need to come out. Now. And stop overcompensating for their lack of everything.

Quote of the Week:

"The spirit of Mr. Wizard is with us right now." -- Dave, working on turning sugarcane into fuel during the Press It Detour.

Episode 2: We Try To Be Psychic

2006-03-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

Looking ahead to the upcoming second leg.

Jamie: Well, well. What a surprise. Based on the "scenes from next week," Team Boobs loses some face, by appearing to succumb to the flirtatious advances of Team Phi Beta Shut Uppa. Imagine how orange and highlighted and pink and stupid the babies will be.

Maggie: I wish I could sit down and have a heart-to-heart with those Team Boobs girls, and not just about their stripey highlights and unfortunate taste in men.

For all their talk about being fearless, they certainly cry a lot. In my world, "fearless" does not translate to "bursts into tears inside tall buildings."

And what I wouldn't give to do that rappelling task! That's my idea of a fun weekend, not a roadblock.

Jamie: Also, it looks like we'll be treated to... more complaining by Fran. These previews are just chock-full of shocking twists, aren't they? Fran? Complaining? Are we talking about the same Fran, here?

Maggie: Wait. Fran bitching?!?

Next you're going to tell me the Glamazons will be screaming.

Jamie: Maggie, I don't want to alarm you, so perhaps you want to sit down, and maybe prepare some smelling salts, just in case.

But word on the street is, Lake will be a bossy jerk, Wanda will speak some Spanish, Team Boobs will wear pink, and Phil will fake out the first time to arrive with an EXTRA big pause between their names, and when he tells them they're the first team to arrive.

Also, the team that was Philiminated last week? A little bird tells me they're gay.

Maggie: What are you? A friggin' psychic?! How DO you know such things?

Can you tell me if Phil will be hot this episode? Because I'm guessing yes. (Especially if he pronounces "Wanda" as "Wander" again. What a dreamy Aussie.)

Jamie: Phil will also most likely be wearing something khaki.

Who will be the first team to arrive?

Maggie: I'm going to go with Ray and Yolanda. Their great glutes aren't just sexy; they'll also help the most athletic team in the race finish first.

Jamie: The one time you don't pick the hippies, I do. For all the reasons they're your early pick to win it all, I think they'll have the stuff to pull ahead of Phi Beta Shut Uppa at the end of the second leg.

Who will be the last team to arrive?

Jamie: I think time's up for The Oldies. Usually, the silver-haired teams make it about halfway through the season, but these two just don't seem to have what it takes. It's possible they'll have learned some hard, fast lessons in the first leg, but the previews of Moaning Fran don't bode well.

Maggie: I think it'll have to be the Glamazons, who will be facing some incontinence issues. You don't joke THAT much about peeing your pants unless you're covering up for some wayward tinkle.

Jamie: Ooh, I forgot about The Frosties. Good one. If there's any sort of challenge involving waterfalls, lemonade, or even a long car ride, they're screwed.

Episode 1: Q & A

2006-03-04T23:16:00.000-08:00

The good ol' Amazing Race is back! Episode One took us from Denver to Sao Paulo, Brazil, where teams were faced with a detour: Put together a shoddy motorcycle or fly in a helicopter to a specific location in the city. Winners were frat boys Eric and Jeremy, with hippies Tyler and BJ not far behind. Losers were John and Scott, who didn't seem to realize this was a race.

Which detour would you have picked?

Jamie: Helicoptors, hands down. I've gotting to ride in a helicopter twice before, absolutely loved it both times, and race be damned, don't think I could have passed up an opportunity to cruise in one over Brazil.

The helicopter challenge was a lot easier than I initially thought it would be - I thought they actually had to navigate the pilot, when it looked like they just had to find a location in a flight book.

Conversely, the motorcycle challenge was harder than I thought it would be - I wouldn't have moaned about it like The Oldies did, but I also would have thought there would have been a little more there than a box of rusty parts, and a line of crappy bikes.

Maggie: Skydiving out of a helicopter is one of my favorite things in the world, so I would have chosen that task without a second thought. I AM a rotorhead.

Like you, I thought it would be harder and that teams had to navigate for the pilot. (Still, even when I thought that's how the task would go, I had a lot of confidence I could do it. I'm smart enough to spot helipads on top of buildings, for christsake.)

And yet, the motorcycle challenge was exactly what I thought it would be. Even if there had been very specific instructions and color-coordinated parts with big neon arrows that proclaimed, "PUT ENGINE HERE!" I still wouldn't have done it.

Wait. That's not true. I COULD put a motorcycle together -- I just couldn't guarantee that it would start. All the Brazilians would be scratching their heads, "I've never seen a carburetor on the handlebars before ..."

How would you have fared on the road block?

Jamie: Wait a minute. There wasn't a road block, was there? Seriously, I think the hardest part of this whole leg of the race would have been the sprint up all those stairs, in that altitude. Brutal.

Maggie: Yeah, they ususally don't have a road block on the first episode. Not sure why.

Phil even commented on those stairs on his blog. He said they were extremely grueling -- and I think he was a little excited to see how the teams would handle them. Sadist.

I think the hardest part of the whole roadblock would have been not punching Mo in the face when she started crying at the airport. It's the FIRST LEG, crybaby.

Jamie: We call her Monica! Do NOT succumb to the Mojo!

Maggie: Ugh. That's my sister's name, and I don't wannt to taint it. How about Trollbaby?

Jamie: Works for me.

At this point, which team do you like best?

Maggie: Right now, I'm pulling for the hippies, probably because I smoked the meat of a few guys like that in college.

Plus, I have a feeling they're going to be really tough competition. They're familiar with global travel, they pick up languages quickly, they're friendly -- and chances are they know how to get by with little sleep and little money.

Though when the team was first introduced, I thought, "Dude! Spin Doctors are doing the Amazing Race!"

Jamie: Maggie, I'm going to second your emotion. For now, they seem like they're going to be the most fun to watch.

At this point, which team do you like least?

Jamie: I've said it before, I'll say it again - Monica and Joseph. Of all the duos, they are the only pair hwo have offered nothing appealing at all so far.

Maggie: Eric and Jeremy. The only good thing about this duo is that eventually karma has to catch up with these jackasses, and I can't wait to watch it all go down. That said, they will win some major points with me if they finally come out of the closet.

At this point, which team do you pick to win it all?

Jamie: Since it's early, I'm going to go out on a limb with Ray and Yolanda. They're strong, they perform well under stress, and even thought they didn't run the best first leg, they seem bright enough to learn quickly and apply it down the road.

Maggie: I'm still on the hippie train. B.J. and Tyler were the only team smart enough to use the delay at the airport to their advantage by learning some essential Portuguese phrases -- while the other teams were simply echoing Speedy Gonzalez by screaming "Ándale! Ándale!" to their cabbies.

The hippies have a surprising amount of street smarts and knowledge about other cultures. I think a lot of people are really underestimating these guys.

Quote of the week: "Look out, honey. Here comes Scott Peterson." -- Jo to Mo/Trollbaby, referring to fellow racer Lake.

Episode 1: Team Evaluations

2006-03-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

"Episode 1." It sounds so Star Wars. Not even.

LAKE & MICHELLE:

Maggie: I had high hopes for Lake, because at first glance, he looks like our beloved Phil. Turns out he's more like an evil twin. I got a weird vibe from the guy. I didn't like his references to "the black couple" and the "the black girl."

Jamie: See, here’s the thing for me. They are SO CLEARLY setting Lake up to be this season’s Colin, or Jonathan, or Gargamel, whatever bad guy. And the thing is, he was kind of a jerk, but so were lots of racers. Like Satan looked at Lake, shrugged, and said, “He’s a little below my league.” So even though I could tell I was really, really supposed to hate him… it never quite happened for me. I kind of hate Michelle more.

Maggie: There were two things that really brought on the hate for me. The first was in his intro when he said that he lacks compassion -- and the dude is a dentist. Yeow. The other was when he introduced himself as "Lake -- like the ocean."

What ocean would that be, Lake?

Jamie: Ocean Lake, Maggie. Jesus. I’m sure the Weavers from Season 8 can find it for you on a map. I’m not saying I won’t hate Lake a boatload (sorry) in the future – it just hasn’t happened yet.

TEAM BOOBS:

Maggie: The pink! The PINK! I would take some Pepto for my nausea, but it would be pink overload.

Jamie: I know. Paris Hilton is all, "Girls... too much." (Then, she shakes her head sadly and involuntarily poses for an imaginary camera.)

Maggie: I almost feel like these girls are trying too hard to fill the role of "slutty but funloving" duo.

Jamie: One of my reality show pet peeves is how every marginally attractive (and some distinctly UNattractive) woman feels the need to clarify that they WILL USE THEIR LOOKS. Whatever it takes! I'll suck off a cameraman! Will SEDUCE to WIN! and... well, duh. It's a million freaking dollars. Everyone is the same way. But for some reason, the men manage to refrain from announcing it. So annoying.

Maggie: Also, I don't understand how these chicks can describe themselves as fearless when one of them cries about going rappelling in the promos for next week's show. Wow is she ever fearless -- except for that heights thing. And maybe spiders. And anything gross.

Jamie: Except spooge.

Maggie: Of course.

TEAM BONG:

Maggie: The part of me that eats tofu, doesn't always shave and sometimes likes to be dirty is the same part of me that loves these guys. I think they honestly are looking forward to the experience of the race, they're open-minded to learning about other cultures and they're smart enough to get by on very little money and their own quick wits.

Honestly, I think their biggest problem will be trying to score some kind bud in Nigeria.

Jamie: I have seen a lot of hate for the hippies on the web, and I'm not sure why. I don't have much to say about them, which is surprising, considering their outfits. But I don't hate them.

Maggie: Yeah, I think for some people a ruffled tuxedo shirt seems over-the-top. But for me? Not so much.

Jamie: Plus, I actually own those gold plastic sunglasses. And they ran a strong race, and had fun. Those two things that will almost always win me over.

Maggie: Toke on, dudes.

RAY & YOLANDA:

Maggie: I know why this couple has been dating for five years! Two people with such hot bodies must gravitate to each other like moons to a planet. I didn't even know thighs could have muscles like that. Actually, they make me feel a little bad for sitting on my ass and watching TV right now.

Jamie: You pretty much said it. Plus, they poked fun at themselves in the cab, in the tunnel, and kept their cool when brazillions of Brazilians gathered 'round to ogle during the motorcycle assembly.

JOHN & SCOTT:

Maggie: I can understand how someone can have a fear of flying. What I can't comprehend is how someone who fears aircraft expects to do well on The Amazing Race. Did John think he'd be taking a boat around the world?

As for Scott, he seems a little too laid-back, a little too "whatever" for this competition. I think these two only signed up so they'd have a story to dish over tapas someday.

Jamie: Heh. "The Amazing Cruise." Yeah, I don't really get people who sign up for a reality show "to conquer their fears." If there's even an inkling chance I'll be screaming in terror, hyperventilating in panic, or peeing my pants, I'd really prefer it not be videotaped, then broadcast on national TV.

DAVID & LORI:

Maggie: Wait. Was I in marching band with these two?

This couple makes me squeal with delight like a little piggie. Love the glasses, love the dorky PDA, love their sweetness.

I never expected nerds in love to be so damn adorable.

They're so friendly and fun and up for adventure, I expect them to do really well on the race. I think this competition will heat up into "Revenge of the Nerds."

Jamie: Really? I think nerds in love are always adorable. However, I am frequently a nerd in love, so I might be biased.

I am ALMOST with you on the love, and I totally enjoy her slouchy little straight-armed run. But don't you think the "We're nerds! In love! Did I mention we are NERDS?! Give me a kiss! Because of the loooove!" seems a little put on? I'm all for anticipating potential mocking, and beating the bullies to the punch, but it just seemed a little... forced. It's hard to say after just the first episode, though, so maybe we'll see soon whether it's genuine, or an act. A nerdy, nerdy act.

ERIC & JEREMY:

Maggie: Referring to other teams bitches and hos? Applauding themselves for being lazy and dropping out of college? Boasting that they work as little as possible.

Ugh. I don't even know where to begin with these guys.

I think they are the two biggest tools in the whole shed.

I've attended frat parties with guys like this, but I always assumed they grew up eventually. I was wrong.

Jamie: These guys are my neighbors, so they have a little home team advantage. I swung back and forth, on them. Hated 'em at first, they won me over with a few funny comments a few scenes later, hated when they predictably hit on Team Boobs, but they never crossed the line into despicable. Not to mention, they ran a hell of a first leg. Maybe they're Taoists and don't know it. Because they are too stupid.

TEAM OLDIES:

Jamie: You always want to like the old folks, don't you? They're just so wrinkly and spunky. And these guys seemed to fit the bill and then some, with added layers of adventure and athleticism that made me wonder if they were going to be the team to beat. And then... they had a setback. Which happens, of course. But I really, really could have done without the moaning and groaning.... "IT'S OOOOVER." It's never over in The Amazing Race. It's practically written across Phil's smooth, tan forehead.

Maggie: What a bunch of whiners! For Christ's sake -- stop bitching and do something. I really thought I would like them from their clips at the beginning when they were skiing. I thought they would be as likeable as the old folks in the past, but with added physical prowess and strength that other old teams didn't have. Boy was I wrong. They're all talk and no game. They didn't run a good race. They weren't observant AT ALL. I was about to pull my hair out when they were walking back and forth over the bridge and didn't see the cluebox. They didn't make smart decisions. What in God's name were they thinking with the motorcycle task? And worst of all, they just bitched and moaned about every little thing.

THE FROSTIES:

Maggie: This is another team I would like, because they seemed a little spunky and sassy. And then I realized their whole schitck was as annoying as a bedazzled sweatshirt.
And that shrieking! I don't think they've ever heard of the concept of silence. They certainly never practice it.

Jamie: I do not think Lisa and Joni have grasped the concept of "race."

JOSEPH & MONICA: (We refuse to adopt their "Team Mojo" schtick.)

Jamie: Ah, my most hated team. Snotty, stupid, and mean to the locals - they suck.

Maggie: To me, there's nothing remarkable about this team -- other than the fact that Monica looks a lot like a troll doll with the hair combed down.

WANDA & DESIREE:

Jamie: Shut up, mom. Daughter, keep on bein' pretty.

Maggie: The only thing I really disliked about this team is that they seem to be purposely perpetuating the Latina-spicy-tamale stereotype.

However, the relationship seems strong enough that they'll work really well together.

I think the mom is pretty spunky, if a little crazed and frazzled at times. And Desiree seems to be whip-smart on top of being so very beautiful.